In Seventh Heaven

I do believe that you know how it feels when things are going the right way. Things are much lighter and life is much brighter. The feeling was just so overwhelming before that i didn’t care where i am going to. Later did i know that i was heading the wrong direction but fortunately, i was able to take a halt before everything comes to worst. And now that i am already in my proper senses (LOL), the peaceful mind that i once have had is now within me. Gladly, i’ve realized things before it will destroy me – the very fragile me. And this time around, i will wait. If waiting will take forever, then so be it, for as long as it is worth it…

It’s All Saints’ Day and we were supposed to go to the cemetery but things changed because of some unavoidable circumstances. Bro left with his girlfriend, Mom and Dad had something to attend to and they brought along my son and so here I am, home alone but not lonely. I’m keeping myself busy dropping ec and reading some posts that catches my attention and give comments whenever i feel like it. I was thinking of turning on the Winamp and listen to music ’cause it’s so quiet here but thought otherwise. I’d rather have it this way so i can concentrate on the posts that i read. My right hand sores a bit now from clicking the mouse over and over again but i’m almost done anyway. My stomach is quite grumbling now too. Wish they’ll be home any minute so i can feed my tummy already. Sigh…

Because it’s not worth it afterall. I may have invested my time, my emotions but it’s always been like that. We would never know certain things if we won’t put time in it. But i have no regrets whatsoever. It’s part of life or should i say, it’s life’s spices. We will never learn without those mistakes. Those mistakes make us a better person not to mention stronger one at that. At least i’ve realized things before they get even deeper. And one thing i’m certain of…it’s not my lost. (“,)

It is gloomy and so am i, i guess. I’m not at all busy today and my mind just keep on wandering. What am i thinking? Nothing in particular. Random things. I’ve talked to my dear friend today who’s been out of the country for a while and it quite gave me gladness since it’s been a while that we haven’t had a talk like that. I just had lunch and i think i will take a nap later to rest my tired mind. That’s the best thing to do for now…i guess.

And so am i. I don’t know. I don’t have any problem of some sort. Sometimes i’m just like this — worried of people who’s probably not worrying about me at all. Nah, perhaps they do. But i kind of feeling like this just now actually. I was out with my sister earlier and thoughts that’s bothering me now didn’t cross my mind for once this morning. Well maybe because my mind was busy as compared now. That’s the reason why i always want to keep myself busy because more often than that, i think of the strangest things whenever i’m idle. Oh well, i’m starting to get busy again though — by dropping ec and blog hopping. Haven’t done this for a couple of days because the pc here is just so busy. So here i am again.

Have you been in a situation that you felt empty without any reason at all? I was like that earlier. I was just staring blankly at…i don’t really know where. I have no problems whatsoever. I was reading texts from friends prior to that and the messages are all feel-good but how come i still felt empty. Is something missing? I don’t know. Maybe i’m just missing my man or bored perhaps. Oh well, i don’t feel empty now though. I’m trying to keep my mind busy…so busy that no sad thoughts can ever get in.

There are times that things are just too much to handle. As much as I would not want to make a big fuss out of it but sometimes i’m just getting tired of it. You know how it feels thinking of things that you yourself don’t know if it’s worth thinking or simply worth your time at all. But i can’t help it. It’s been bothering me to the point that i’m entertaining thoughts of giving it up. But though those thoughts have been hunting me, still i’m holding on. Why? Because i want to. Though a certain part of me already wants to let go but still a bigger part of me wanted to hold on. Until when will i be like this? Only me knows, for sure. Sigh…